New Hartford, Conn.
It is with great sadness that we mourn the loss of Tom Reif, who died unexpectedly on April 4, 2020, from a fatal encounter with his beloved backhoe as he was preparing his garden for spring planting. It could be said that Tom died with his boots on because sitting atop a roaring tractor, moving big rocks and pushing around big piles of dirt always put a big smile on his face.
Tom was born in Queens, N.Y., on Jan. 17, 1945, and raised as a city boy. His passion for the land kindled when he moved to Maine to attend Colby College, where he got his undergraduate degree. After earning master and doctoral degrees in psychology at Michigan State, he returned to Maine to join his Colby friends who were homesteading Downeast, and bought land in Sullivan. Tom enjoyed the physical demands of clearing land, building cabins and barns and practicing Kendo, sometimes barefoot in the snow. He started farming and sold his produce from a truck weekly. He also began to practice psychology and opened the first counseling center in Ellsworth.
In 1977, Tom moved to Richmond, Va., to accept a job at a psychiatric hospital. Eventually, he opened a private practice and became a clinical faculty member in the Department of Psychiatry at the Medical College of Virginia and an adjunct faculty member at VCU, teaching Gestalt and becoming a mentor as well as a therapist for many therapists in the area.
Three years ago, Tom felt a strong need to reconnect with his beloved Maine and bought a little cottage in Lamoine, close to his Downeast friends and the land he once farmed. He had come full circle on two fronts: he returned to the Maine he loved and he devoted his professional life as a psychotherapist to relieving the suffering of others.
Tom was a man of heart. One of his friends captured his essence when he said, “Tom was a kind, gentle, funny, deeply human person, whose voice and energy are always with me … still encouraging and guiding me.” To quote another, “he was one of a kind!” He will be missed by many.
He is survived by his beloved partner of 30 years, Joan Miller, his son Benjamin and his wife, Tamara, two grandchildren, Ella and Nolan, his son Nicholas and the children’s mother, Lucie Reif, his brother John, his half-sister Kiki Reif and half-brother Peter Reif, former wife and friend Ellen Lehto, and his Connecticut stepfamily: Dawn and Bill Moran, Nicole, Lincoln and Sydney Champagne, Aaron, Jen, Sam, Nathan and Sean Benham, and Swansea, Kyra and Robyn Bleicher.
We hope to celebrate Tom’s life in Maine this summer. Condolences may be expressed at Montano-Shea.com.